While everyone else is preparing their “Five Homemade Gifts You Can Give Mom” blogs as we approach this Mother’s Day, I came across something that totally put a wrench in that thought process for me. World Naked Gardening Day. This is a thing. It really is a thing. I know I have said it twice, and it maybe isn’t a surprise to some that it does exist, but this is the first I have heard of it and it struck me as odd, or maybe…eww. It is held yearly on the first Saturday of May. Apparently there is a whole world of naked events that I have never heard of before reading about this. Naked hiking, naked camping, naked kayaking, and World Naked Bike Ride are all events a multitude of people feel the need to take part. Needless to say, I won’t be participating.
I came across this event in the trending section of my Facebook feed a few days ago and just haven’t been able to fully comprehend why there is a need to make this a world-wide event. I guess for nudist it is really a banner day. I’m sure any naked opportunity if a nudist doesn’t live in an actual nudist colony is a winner on their calendar. You can go to their website and learn more. Spoiler alert before you click. There are pictures with very naked people in gardens. No clever flower cover-up in the photos. No perfectly placed pots or people standing behind a bush of an appropriate height hiding their, uh, bush. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
“An elderly lady in a Manhattan apartment can plant new annuals in her window box. Families can rake leaves in their back yard. Freehikers can pull invasive weeds along their favorite stretch of trail. More daring groups can make rapid clothes-free sorties into public parks to do community-friendly stealth cleanups.” – World Naked Gardening Day
Thanks, no thanks. I do think the idea of being part of a “daring group” could get me arrested and possibly put me on my local sex offender registry, so public parks, that would be a no. My own backyard may also not be exactly private as it butts up against a fairly busy road. Yeah…no. Not to mention I don’t wish to give any bugs the opportunity to invade any crevices on my body, if you know what I mean. I know clothes aren’t foolproof in that regard, but they offer far more of a barrier than running around baring all in a place that a wealth of creepy crawly things find to be pretty much home sweet home. Also, the bug population counts in gardens tend to equal that of Mexico City when scaled on a similar ratio of human to bug. Again, no.
So this week before Mother’s Day, think carefully before deciding to put together a lovely bouquet of roses from your garden while parading around in your birthday suit. Your mother will absolutely love anything you give her. Your neighbors may not think the view is exactly what they want to be drinking in with their morning coffee as you get your nature on. Not to mention it could be rather painful if you happen to trip and fall into the rosebush, especially if a few thorns wind up needing to be removed at the Emergency room. Have fun explaining that one to the hospital staff, let alone your Mom.