Dear Holier Than Thou Blogger

Dear Holier Than Thou Blogger,

I recently was on a blog sharing group in FaceBook sharing and asking for re-tweets of my recent blog post Don’t Drive Like A Douche: Part I when you refused to re-tweet my post on grounds that it was ” most certainly not family friendly.”  There is much much more in the comment, but that was the basic gist.  The words “disgusting” and “grotesque” were used if you get where this was going.

You did this publicly in the comments and did not think to possibly let me know your feelings privately. When I messaged you privately I asked if you had even read the piece. You responded with, “No I haven’t, but the title says it all. I will not read such a disgusting piece of garbage.”

I respect your not re-tweeting it. I respect your feelings and the audience you have on your blog, don’t get me wrong, I do. It was how you went about letting me know and then confirming your holier than thou attitude by admitting you didn’t even read it.

Dear Holier Than Thou Blogger

This goes into the don’t judge a book by its cover argument from me. First of all, I do admit “douche” is not exactly the nicest word you can use to call someone, but when I am writing a piece about the pet peeves of people driving, I am not exactly going to use kind touchy -feely words to describe non-stellar jerks on the road. That would not be my style nor would it make my point.

Secondly, read the piece. Before you pass judgement on something, maybe you would have found the piece a humorous rant to make people more aware of what they are doing on the road. Since we all occupy the road at any given time, it is probably the most family friendly piece out there.

This was written to maybe make someone, in a humorous way, see hazards we come across on the road that endanger all of our safety.  I am not saying it was written to change the world, but quite possibly change one or two habits of one or two drivers. Be it the idiot who drives with their pet in their lap, or the person who cuts corners. Maybe even you. God forbid. You made it clear to me in your public comment that you are “perfect” so I am sure you have NEVER done any of these transgressions while driving.

So in saying that, I think it is the ultimate in “family friendly”. I want to protect my family, and in protecting my family, maybe, just maybe, I may be protecting yours as well.

You could always put a disclaimer in a quote of the tweet saying “I may not approve of the title, but the message is right on.” OR, “language warning”, even though the worst language was the word “douche” in the entire piece. I know other bloggers did.

Douche in fact is PG-13 and considering my family no longer consists of anyone below the age of 18 that is quite family friendly to me. This lends itself to the fact that we all have a different definition of ‘family friendly.’ Also, are your kids reading these blogs you re-tweet? They seem a little young. They need to be at least thirteen to have a Twitter account in the first place. Just sayin’.

Not all bloggers are baking cookies or counting the toes on baby feet. I have nothing against bloggers who do. I love them. They make me reminiscent of when my girls were young and I wasn’t worried about them driving eight hours away to live in Kentucky for the summer. They have an audience. They are really good at what they are doing and want to share this with their readers. That is the purpose of blogging, writing what you love.  I love all my fellow bloggers in whatever niche they are in.

I am a bit salty, I know this. I lived forty-six of my forty-nine years in New Jersey, there is no way to escape the snark. I may pick a title or a subject that is a little rough around the edges or gets to the nitty gritty of truth. However, that is where it stops with me. I am NOT in a NSFW category. I don’t drop the f-bomb (although I won’t promise I won’t). I don’t use words that do not fit the tone of the piece I am writing. I am true to me.

Blogging for me is still new.  I am not  well established and have a small audience (but growing at a steady rate). My writing is not geared towards the kitchen and diaper rash crowd, although many have let me know they enjoy my taking them away from  daily life, cooking and kids, and speaking about things that they find truth in or get a laugh out of. Call it a break from the seriousness of living now and then.

My blog is geared towards the issues we face with our kids as they enter adulthood, our lives as we find ourselves in an empty nest, as well as things that irritate the living hell out of me. Trust me, when your kids grow out of the tricycles and into driving cars you will be happy I was here. I write about pretty much anything that middle-age folk are living once we realize being polite all the time is not necessarily a great thing. I graduated from high school ages ago. My feelings are not easily hurt. My skin is a lot thicker than a particular major party nominee.

READ MORE: Stop Everything! Eye Rolling is Curable

I am upset that you didn’t even bother to read it. Maybe then you would have seen how it may have had more to do with families than you gave it a chance to. I am upset that your assumption as to how family friendly it was was decided by one word in the title. I am upset that your judgment was made a public insult before other fellow bloggers rather then in a message to me privately.

You could have read it, maybe commented on it, and then explained that in your thread comment politely. Therefore helping to support a fellow blogger (who did support your tweet even though the cookies looked like a gorilla’s balls) in some way that would have satisfied you being true to yourself as well. Your re-tweeting a tweet I had re-tweeted from someone else was really of no use to me. You took the time to ream me out for my post, yet did not take the time to find an original tweet of mine.  There were other ways to support my blog, you chose to be arrogant. Not nice.

I may not win friends or influence people with this open letter to you. I do hope the point is made that we need to support one another and give honest friendly feedback. This would be preferred rather than judge an entire piece by a title or a slug snippet. Your public comment was uncalled for and deserved the courtesy of reading it before making up your very small mind.

I wear my big girl pants well and am not afraid of criticism. I just think there are forums for said critique. Your choice of where to condemn my blog post was ill chosen and inappropriate. You were trying to make a point to others in our profession (and yes, it is a profession) that my blog was not worthy of YOU.  Since you are apparently perfect, other bloggers should think it is not worthy of them either.

You are young, maybe in time you will learn that forging opinions without having all of the information is a very poor way to judge others. Also, how we discuss matters with one another may not yet be on your level of maturity. Words matter. How and where they are said matters. So, I’m sure you will be happy to read the follow-up Don’t Drive Like A Douche: Part II .

Leave a comment this time on the post, at least I will know you read it.

Reinventing Julie - a blog for the middle age empty nesters

I would like to know if any of my other blogging friends have had anything similar happen to them? Let me know in the comments please.




About Julie Mason

Julie is a nearly fifty year old almost empty nester. Life is interesting, ever changing, fun, infuriating, and Julie wishes to share it with you all. She hopes to learn along the way as well and write about anything and everything that strikes her fancy.

61 thoughts on “Dear Holier Than Thou Blogger

  1. I just saw this post on Twitter now ages after it was written. I can only say well done! What a great article and you were so eloquent with your wording. I have not Part 1 or Part 2 but I most certainly will be going to them right now. Congratulations are in order for what you have written here, may it serve you for many years to come.

  2. I have not had anyone say anything to me but I have been ignored. I hate that people can’t be courteous and respectful but I have to keep trucking on. Hold my head high and know that I am better then them because I would help.

  3. People can be pretty disrespectful and it can be discouraging. I try to go the live and let live approach and just ban or unfriend anyone who can’t act that way with me. It does get hard sometimes, especially during election years. 🙂

  4. Good for you, Julie! I’m from the “counting baby toes” and “diaper rash crowd” (LOL!) and I love your writings and happily share them. I participate in the parenting and non-parenting threads, as well. When I come across a blog post/insta photo/pin/tweet that I feel may not be a good fit to share, I find something else to share. So far, I have found something of the person’s that is good for me to share that still fits my niche. I have actually come across a post from another family life blogger that I wasn’t able to share because of religious reasons. But I didn’t call them out or insult them. I respected them and simply found another post of theirs to share. It was no problem at all. I think that bloggers who participate in sharing threads need to understand we all are writers and have our own content and style that we post. If there is something you do not agree with or cannot share because of personal/religious reasons, then you can find something else of theirs to share. I am sorry you experienced this. I am still one of your fans! 🙂 P.S.- my mom is from Philly and she is a tough East coaster, too! 😉

  5. I am certainly not offended by the word “Douche bag” and I am sorry to hear you were called out in a public forum.

    Are we not adults these days? I don’t know about you but sometimes the only way to get a point across is to use adult language. I am glad you are real in your blog posts!

    As a mom of a 14 year old daughter I can attest the word Douche although not commonly used is not a taboo word in my home. People need to grow up.

  6. The purpose of these groups is to support and help each other. A person like that should not be in a social media/blogging support group. You will never agree with every single post in engagement groups, but there are other ways to be supportive and you certainly don’t have to be so rude — there are enough keyboard courage people out there that do that!

  7. This is awesome. It is so refreshing that you are so honest and candid in this space! I really admire that!

    Also, I have encountered these kinds of bloggers before, and it just infuriates me.

  8. WOW, sorry I have to lol. I read those posts (both of them and a lot of your other posts for that matter) and by no means did I think that the posts were grotesque or anything along those lines. Thou blogger needs to have a big glass of ‘calm the F down’. Fair enough if you choose not to retweet the post but have some tact. Being rude and abusive towards another person in a public forum is really low. I am so shocked that this happened to you Julie, I am sorry. Clearly the saying *trolls gotta troll* is a real thing.

  9. This is great in every way possible. Because you really could’ve used a word much worse than douche and then on top of that you could’ve been a douche in your response to said person. You don’t have to defend yourself! If they were acting douche-y then let it be known!

  10. wow! Was it from our Blogger Social Media Engagement group? just curious… SMH! I like and appreciate your honesty. We nees more bloggers like you. I am also happy that you are in our group.

    PS : Stopping by from Twitter Thread.

    Admin Khit 🙂

    1. No Khit, it was from a small group I belong to. I actually posted there on Monday so that she would see it. Her issue, not mine. I just hope to educate other bloggers on being kind to each other, at least professional. Your group is great! I have never received anything but love and support.

  11. Getting closer to the end of this, I couldn’t help but think that the blogger being mentioned is probably feeling through the roof important if she knows you wrote this, which is unfortunate since there are so many lessons worth learning here.

  12. Wow! I agree the comment should have been done privately! And with respect! The response you received certainly wasn’t a response of respect and love …which is what GOD reflects! That is just terrible!

  13. Not sure what to say exactly. I was not a part of the twitter thing, but I do remember your post from somewhere. It is tough to know what to do when you are faced with trying to support other bloggers, but finding that our topics and readers don’t match up. I am 47, so not much younger than you are. Would love to be blogger pals even though I admit, I can’t share something with the word “douche” in it. I describe myself, my blog and my audience as “unapologetically Christian,” but it is not a Christian blog. I am commenting from a “follow, comment, or pin” thread on Bloggers Social Media Support. I like your idea of finding common ground and I will look through your blog and find a post to share on Pinterest.

    1. I appreciate your honesty with this. I am supportive of not being able to share something for whatever reason, personal or branded. It’s how we handle it. Just commenting on a blog helps bloggers with page rank etc. There are many ways to support one another if we are unable to do the thread request.

  14. “Cookies looked like gorilla balls” Bhahahahaha!!! I’m sorry, but I could not stop laughing at that part lol. I really hope she has a chance to read this post and realize how childish and uncalled for her behavior truly was. There’s a correct way to approach things and she went about it ALL wrong.

  15. What a douche-bag. Haha someone once said they refuse to look at my blog as it to fashion-orientated and she doesn’t like fashion. Ok fair enough but I comment back saying that the clothes you are wearing is fashion and I asked her why she doesn’t like fashion, never got a comment back. Some people are like that!

  16. First, I love the title of this post! Second, a private email with an explanation would have been a much better approach….after they read the post. I’m glad you took a stand!

  17. One thing I have learned as I have grown older and wiser is to try and not sweat the small stuff. But I do understand that sometimes certain things can really get under your skin.

  18. I can understand both sides, I personally do not like to RT stories that have a negative headline as not everyone will be reading the whole story and do not want to align my feed with negative stories. However we are all professionals and with that we should communicate with others in the correct way and not referring to our work with words like “garbage”

    1. In absolute agreement. I understand branding, etc. However, if you are in a sharing group, which many of us are, treating each other with respect is first and foremost. I would have had total respect for this blogger if a) she hadn’t insulted me horribly in front of many peers b) she had contacted me privately with her concerns, we could have found another solution.

  19. You keep doing you! I’ve skipped over one or two of the “mandatory” shares because they were religious posts and I’m not religious, but not once did I think I should tell them I’m not going to share their garbage. That’s ridiculous! I’m with you. If someone doesn’t want to share my post, fine. Just don’t create a bunch of drama about it. Kindly just skip it.

  20. Ugh!! I swear there is such a “mean-girl” side to blogging. Sorry you had to deal with a judgmental hollier than thou blogger. I am with Kim, I wish I saw so I could defend. XO

  21. OH WOW! First of all that is insane and this blogger should be ashamed of themselves for not even reading your post. Secondly, I loved that post you wrote so clearly that blogger has no idea what they are missing! RUDE!

  22. As member of said group and someone who did retweet your post, I find her behavior maddening. And I wish I would have seen her comment because I would have said something. I have seen multiple people comment on the retweet threads that they can’t retweet something because of a conflict (be it brand conflict or personal conflict) and they are always pretty nice about it; calling your post disgusting is just ridiculous. I read the driving post and loved it. You keep doing you!

  23. Lol. I love you, Julie! The best revenge is living well (and maybe a blog post too haha) Keep being you and don’t worry about the haters. You have a reader in me.

  24. I do encounter people who aren’t willing to comment on something (for instance, Halloween), but I’ve never had anyone use words characterizing the post before. I’m a bit surprised! That being said, I think it’s fine to choose something else to comment on, but doing so without public fanfare would be the way to go.

  25. Thanks for this post. There are so many blogs that act as if they are either perfect or the best thing made to man-kind. It gets a bit aggrivating, I agree!

  26. Yikes…she could have at least read it first. And I agree that she should have messaged you before blasting you publicly like that. She could have explained it made her uncomfortable and didn’t fit her readership/brand and politely moved on.

  27. Well said, Julie. I guess that’s one of the problems of sharing groups: sometimes you’re going to be asked to share something you don’t agree with for whatever reason. Fine, don’t share it, but leave the sanctimony at home.

    PS I read the ‘offensive’ post for fairness, and found it hilarious!

    1. Thanks David. As I said, there was another solution, this particular blogger decided that resolving a problem was not a good thing, I would have completely respected that approach as opposed to sanctimony.

  28. I have to admit I never read that post-not because of the title-because I was not doing comments that day I guess and just didn’t see it. I am now tempted to go back nd read it and part 2 as well. There are bloggers out there who really get to me also–you are very correct when you say that “Family Friendly” is in the eye of the beholder–as a book blogger I am never quite sure if a book is family friendly or not-even though I consider it so. Ignore these kinds of people–they tend to disappear!!

  29. What ever happened to “if you can’t say something nice, STFU?” I mean really… If they didn’t want to retweet something they felt wasn’t “family friendly,” then fine. Don’t tweet, and move on with your day. Publicly commenting like that is blogging like a douche.

    Oh wait, is there a title there? 😉

    Happy writing!

    1. I appreciate the support. Tell me privately, find a tweet that is one of my originals, and move on. Or read the piece and comment on it.

  30. Your blog posts are very well written and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with them, I read both parts of your previous post and can’t possibly see how anybody can get offended by any of the content.
    I admire the fact that you addressed this issue in another well-written post. Well done.

  31. Wow, I don’t think it was necessary for this person to use the word disgusting and garbage to describe your post. That was a little much. However, most bloggers work with big brands who don’t really appreciate you using cursing and vulgarity in your social media shares and blogs. I think they are just being cautious and making sure they represent their brands they way that they think they should.

    1. I absolutely appreciate that point of view and appreciated that the blogger in question may have had a conflict. It could have been addressed in a private matter and another solution found, that was my point.

  32. You Rock! And well douch bag drivers don’t! I wished I’d seen the fiasco, I certainly would have jumped in to defend that post. Keep on. xo xo

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